I feel like I’m drowning under the weight of this pain that seems greater than anything else at the moment. I fought, I endured, I pushed through, I loved with all of my being and yet all my efforts were not good enough. Now I realize that the fight was never mine to begin with. No matter how much I desired for victory, it wasn’t my victory. If I love this much, and hurt this much, and my love comes nowhere near the fathers love for us, I cannot imagine how much he loves me and ever single one of us. The father’s love has never been more present in my life. If it was not for his incredible grace, I may have given up, sat down, and stayed and dwelled in the defeat I feel, but the enemy has not won. This in itself is victory, this mess in itself is healing, it’s redemption. My perspective is so limited, I am blinded by my circumstances, my human flesh can only comprehend so much-almost nothing at all. Faith is believing in what we cannot see, and right now I cannot see a thing. Trust, hope, and faith are what I choose to cling to even while I walk and stumble in the dark, I know He is guiding my every step. No one ever expects painful situations to occur. They seem to come in the least expected moments. But nothing surprises God. This was not foreign to him. His perspective is infinite, greater yet than what expect, and still my mind attempts to put a lid on His plan. He knows me, he knows us. He sees us. He holds us. Oh great is our God! He is so worthy of praise! He takes my pain, brokenness, and disaster and makes the beauty beyond our limited sight.
Be glad about this, even though it may now be necessary for you to be sad for a while because of the many kinds of trials you suffer. 7 Their purpose is to prove that your faith is genuine. Even gold, which can be destroyed, is tested by fire; and so your faith, which is much more precious than gold, must also be tested, so that it may endure. Then you will receive praise and glory and honor on the Day when Jesus Christ is revealed.